If memory serves me correctly, new years always start out with a bang, followed by a small dose of reality, and then ultimately proceeded by a large dose of acceptance. When a new year begins, you are invisible. You are the most amazing person, the world is your oyster, and you can truly do anything you set your mind to. Your organizational skills will be inspiring all by February, and you better believe you'll be in the best shape of your life by June. You are grabbing life by the horns, and making it your bitch. Am I right? Then comes that tricky reality part. How silly of you to think that you could ever grab life, LIFE, by the horns, when all life does is throw unexpected tax bills at you, and gives you a kid who's managed to get sick three times in six weeks, and then so devilishly surprises you with black mold living behind your kitchen cabinets. Life sits there and points and laughs at you for being so foolish and falling for its obvious tricks year after year. Your only saving grace is acceptance.
This year has already been overwhelming, to say the least. There's just SO MUCH going on. I set out to DO things this year, to be on top of it all, and I really am doing exactly that. I was hoping, however, that marking things off my countless lists would make me feel more in control. It has not. It's almost as if the more you do, the more you have to do. But maybe that's just the way it goes, and maybe I just have to be ok with it. Maybe it would be easier if our bookcase wasn't also currently playing the part of our pantry, and if the whole place wasn't covered in a 1 inch layer of drywall dust, and if I could get Cheech to eat something, ANYTHING... why is it so hard for a 1 1/2 year old to understand that your body needs nutrients and fluids when it is not feeling its best? When do these kids start using LOGIC?!
I guess I'm just ready for the acceptance part. It's not here yet, but I can feel it coming. I know myself, and I know that I will remember that I am not one of those super humans who seem to always have everything under their belt. And most importantly, I will remember to be fine with it. So in the meantime, I will sit and watch a movie with Joe without my laptop on my lap, I will stay in the shower a few minutes longer because Cheech is having a blast throwing all her bath toys in, and I'll read just one more book to her at bedtime. In the grand scheme of things, those little gestures will make the biggest impact, and the world definitely won't end if my to-do list has to wait one extra day. Besides, I'm too busy doing more important things, like being a genius.
I'm so right there with you. The lists of positive things I need to do to improve myself are just endless, not to mention all the other things I need to do. It's like I'm falling into a giant check box on a list the size of an ancient religious scroll. Thanks for this. I linked to you as well.
ReplyDeleteyep. i feel you.
ReplyDelete♥ ♥ ♥
thank you - waiting patiently for acceptance is excellent advice. your first sentence of this post is deadly accurate and beautifully worded.
ReplyDeleteyou are so right. checking off tasks leads to more tasks.
ReplyDeletei think i may give myself resolution re-do this year, and instead of NEEDING to get something done when i get a moment of free time, doing something like taking a nap.
easy.
<3